Today I Feel Like a Banana!

Today was one of those days. I am not only nursing a raging migraine, but 2 people cut me off from writing for them because of my location. They need someone that is in the US not just from the US. Bummed is an understatement as they were well-paying gigs. I got the ole, “we love your writing but…”

This is where I wonder. Obviously, it isn’t good enough. Obviously, you found someone better, and obviously, I am rethinking my whole writing thing. When will I get that spot, that team writing job that is remote that isn’t underpaid and where I feel like I am being bullied into writing 1 million words for $1.

I feel defeated today. I put so much work into my content writing. It is decent, if not great, compared to a lot of content I read. That isn’t my ego talking; this is me venting. I don’t act like I am the best, and I approach my clients and job offers with a humble mind. I know I am not the best, and I know that I can be replaced, as we see here.

I don’t know. I’m just over it, and I feel sad. I don’t want my daughter to want for anything and I don’t want her to see me as a lazy failure as I stare into my computer screen and tickle her feet because all I really really want is to pay attention to her, but I can’t. I need to make a living and make it fast.

I made $500 dollars this week off my writing and now, I feel like it is only going to be $500 for the whole month because I can’t seem to stick. People just don’t like me I guess and it hurts my ego that I try not to show. It really hurts my feelings more and like I said, it hurts me because I don’t want Rubi to see me fail.

I am going to go to bed and try to think positive. I just want to cry honestly and smoke a cigarette. I haven’t smoked in years. But, it sounds good right now. Good thing it isn’t and option. And I don’t care if my grammar looks crappy right now so DON”T EVEN!

Here’s to a better day tomorrow. Come on Universe, throw me a bone. Please! Today, I definitely feel like a banana!

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