“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”~HST~
As much as this quote resonates with me now, it is the second part that resonates with my life. I have been on and am still on that ride. Halfway worn out and used up, loud, but although I don’t look 20 anymore, I’d have to say that I am veritably well preserved — so that part doesn’t apply! I’m going out like a hot grandma; count on that– Abuelita Caliente!
Furthermore, I am thoroughly impressed with my body’s resilience. I am fascinated with its Wolverine like healing capabilities and how hot I am after having a kid as I skid broadside into my 40’s with tenacity because the last 40 have been exhaustive lunacy.
In spite of, I feel great, man-ettes!
Having an emergency cesarean triggered something in me. I went shit-ball crazy when the doctors presented me with it as the only option since Rubi’s umbilical cord was wrapped twice around her neck. They said they would give me time to call my spouse. However, after 15 minutes, I was getting jousted with a piss tube and tied down to the table because obviously I just ate, and anesthesia wasn’t an option, and I wasn’t going under the knife without a fight.
I laid there, begging the nurse to help me as the feeling in my legs began to turn into the spikey pain of when body parts fall asleep — moaning loudly as they pulled out my guts and my baby because three epidurals just weren’t enough to pass me through the trauma. I was dramatic and noisy and didn’t want a fucking cesarean.
Now, here we are, battle wounds and all. Within three weeks, I was walking around like a boss. I have lost tons of weight and a whole new outlook on life. As I said, I feel great — minus the Hemroids. Holy angry butt-hole Buttman!
But no need to linger on that. My whole point is… Hell, I forgot my point. But I don’t care. I am starting this blog to share. I will find a rhythm, but I won’t find it if I don’t write.
The Second Half
Here is what I promise myself; I want to follow my passion. I want to share my life in writing. I want people to be inspired by what I do. I want the second part of my life to matter — not just for me but for you and Rubi as well.
Some say having my daughter was my midlife crisis. But why does it have to be a crisis? What if I just wanted to shake things up. Maybe I want something in my life that I can’t run away from. I have become bored with everything I have done outside of writing — I’ve only gotten better with that. Now I am a Mami. I refuse to be swamped down with the “mommy blues” so I’m banking on being a worn-out sexy Mami that raises a hella-cool kid.
Once she gets out of the kid zone, I cannot be held responsible though. However, I have years for that, and I am not in a rush. I am going to supersize her little brain until it wants to pack up and venture out. I will not allow her to be traumatized by my lack of interest in her growth because I am too wrapped up in myself. And she will not be afraid to make decisions with her heart. She is part of myself and the best part of what I have experienced so far.
I want her to be on the back of that allegorical motorcycle that is my life. And as I slide in proclaiming, she’s learning from it and grasps onto my thrill for life, and pushes through the skid while taking the handlebars and keeps going. I want to see her ride off into the sunset with wild hair and dreams to fulfill. I want her to know that there is nothing that she cannot do as long as she loves herself, in the hope that she can see through the smoke.
There is no crisis in my midlife, and I have so much more to discuss. There is so much I have learned that has made me That Midlife Mami, and I want to scream it out to the world.
NOTE: Please ask questions and leave comments. I Want to answer them. Not only questions about me and my life, but questions about everything. I have a lot of opinion and experience and I want to write about it. There are things that I want to write about that I don’t even know about yet, and those things are your questions.